The last person I'd ever thought.

I didn't expect you to do this. You're the last person whom I thought will ever do this to me. Even before I could even make the call, your messages crushed me. I didn't expect this coming, or maybe, I should say I trusted you enough that you wouldn't do this to me. But, you proved me wrong. You proved to me you're actually of no difference as others. You make me wonder, all those words and promises you've said all along, is it even real? Is it genuine? You make me doubt your words. You make me doubt your sincerity. You make me doubt your trust. You make me doubt you. I'm speechless.

That moment, I felt my heart died.

I have so many questions in my head, I have so many questions to ask you. But I can't, I know I won't have an answer, because I can't even reach you.

Do you know how that feels?
It feels as though I've been abandoned, by someone who seem as though they never once knew and love me.


"I don't hate you. I'm just disappointed you turned into everything you said you'd never be."

One step nearer.

Always always hesitate when it comes to this. I just don't have enough courage and confidence in myself to give it a try, a shot. One moment, I might be really psyched up to really want to give it a try, but other moments, and more often than not, I always back out at the very last moment. Always. 

Sometimes I would be so convinced with myself and to tell myself that I really have to give it a try, never try, never know. I'd be so sure that "Ok, this is it. I'm definitely going to give it a shot, no matter what." It's as though nothing can stop me and that I've made up my mind. Then, again, my heart and mind and brain got the better of me, I back out, at the very very last minute again. It's as though the angel and devil in me is fighting so damn hard to win, and the devil always win.

But, I'm truly glad I took the courage, or rather, finally have the courage to take the first step out to just try. With the courage of A too - thank you. :) It's like it's destined or something, how everything fall into place. Last minute (again) traveling down, didn't have anything prepared, went with a empty mindset and feelings, how it's just before I turn 27.

The whole experience was nerve wrecking. Not too sure if I will have the courage and confidence to try again, but I do know and I'm a tad disappointed with the second session. I knew I might/could have stand a chance to make it if I didn't screw it up. :(


It's Jay Chou's concert today too!! A lot felt this year's concert was not good, which I totally agree. As compared to his concert 2 years ago, that was definitely so much better. I knew for a sure fact I enjoyed the previous concert better than this year's. I enjoyed the company though. :)

2.

Never would I expect or think that I will ever bump into you on the streets, never. It was like the most unexpected thing that could have happened. We talked, and time flew by so fast it didn't even seem like 45 minutes. It seemed more like 4-5 minutes.

We could barely catch up, the details were not complete, I have so many questions I wanted to ask but couldn't string up my whole thoughts properly, and you asked me questions which I hope it goes to show you're concerned.

Do you really care?
Why didn't you contact me since then?
Why do we have to communicate under such circumstances?

I have endless questions, I have so many things to say,
but,
do you have the time and space,
for me?

High up.

Today's the day that I've been waiting for 3 years ago. It's finally here, after so much effort. The time, effort, rushing of assignments and projects, late nights sacrificed, it's finally over.

I'm happy and more than glad all the difficult times are over, really.
I'm happy that the day is finally here too.
I'm happy that all my friends, those who are important to me, are here to celebrate this joyous moment with me, and I cannot be more thankful.

I know I'm happy today,
but I know I'm not truly completely happy.
Because something's missing.
You're not here.

You once asked me if I will invite you to my graduation ceremony, if you can attend.
I gave you my answer without hesitation.
But you weren't here, you can't be here, eventually.

Is this good bye?

I don't know if I should say I'm sad, or disappointed.
I didn't expect this to happen, that you wouldn't even want to be friends anymore.
Things doesn't have to end this way, right? Do you even remember what you've said? Maybe you don't, maybe I misinterpret what you meant previously.
You said you understand, no pressure on me, will give me time to settle what I need to etc, you know what you've said. Now you're saying you're going to disappear from my life. That's what you said, I would think that's what you want, I'll respect that.

So much for even pinning that slightest hope that you'll be different.
But somehow eventually, I'm always proven right, that all guys - are the same.

Maybe I'm just not prepared for what that has to come.
Not at this god light speed.
And definitely not at this god light speed of you giving up maybe.

Words can kill.
Promises are always broken, always.
Time to wake up.

Good old times.

Today my brain is fried.
Watching and enjoying a sport that you've not done in a long time, the feeling is good.
Reminisce a lot, think a lot, had a good catch up with people I've not met up a long time too.
Killed too much cells that I think I could have used up within half a year.
Time is passing by too quickly, and I don't know what I've done so far.
It's already more than half a year gone.

This, just leads to more thinking.
It's demoralising.
I need to stop.

Time.

Today I've learnt (again), that time waits for no one.

It won't wait for one to make any decision,
it won't wait for anyone to get their things done,
it won't wait for someone who's waiting to get their life right,
it won't wait for someone to finally realize that not everyone will be able to hold on and wait for another.

It won't wait forever, it won't even wait for a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.

Nothing.

Time waits for no one.

No one.

It's time I really learn this lesson well, by now.

Expectations.

As you grow up, you'll learn that everything, everyone, have expectations.

When you've received your PSLE grades, you've to make a choice to select your secondary school.
When you've pass your O Level, you've to decide which path you want to take, mainly JC or poly.
When you've graduated from tertiary, you've to choose either to continue with university or to start working (first).
When you've to select which company you want to work in, you've to fuss over which specialization you can/want to embark on.
When you've graduated from university, you've to decide on the final specialization that you can/want/have to take and advance towards it for the rest of your life.

What do you expect of yourself?
What do you expect for yourself?
Even though one might not be 'expected' of something or anything, you yourself as a person subconsciously will demand and expect yourself of something; to be capable of achieving something at the very least.
Expectations.

Why is life full of choices, decisions and expectations?

I don't want to live anymore.
I don't want to be a human, I didn't choose to be one.