sometimes i can't help but think I'm good for nothing, literally. compared to others, what they can achieve i can't, what i can achieve they can as well. i just don't see anything that I'm good at at all. nothing. why am i here in the very first place, why.

i didn't say that and i didn't say i wasn't doing anything about it. but what makes thing worse is time. because it's something you can't turn back and things done are done. it hurts when you know things being mentioned are not true, seeing things that will never fail to make me cry, but I'll rather keep it to myself, simply because the more that's being said will only lead for the worse. it's hurting so much inside. i can laugh and smile, but I'm not okay, my heart is not with me, i know. can changes ever take place again?

i don't understand why you can't be more understanding. it's not like I've not tried, i did. but you're so unreasonable at times that i really just feel like telling you it's okay if you don't want me as your daughter since you feel that I'm not understanding, mature and reasonable enough for you. it's tiring to keep repeating and to try to get you to understand my point of view/thinking just good enough for you to understand, knowing that you won't take it in and only to rebuke back with more of your unreasonable reasons. end up I'll only feel agitated, angry, disappointed, remorse, sad, empty. i don't know what to do anymore.

i don't have aims or goals to work towards. it just seems like I'm living on everyday just for the sake of living on and trying to make ends meet. there's no meaning, no purpose anymore.

i don't want and i don't wish to feel so empty, it's like the hollow holes are never ending.

it's not that i don't want to write about happy stuff. i want to too. but there isn't anything worth being happy about right now. nothing at all.