Then again, maybe this year's birthday wouldn't be much of a difference again.
Haven't been visiting here the most often that I know of, most of the time due to the advance of the technology I have to admit. Knowing how much your mobile phone is able to provide you now, you just might not want to go online with your computer. Same for me, I've successfully succumb to the luring of not even using my laptop at all. The last time I actually used it.... I've lost count. With all the thoughts in the whole universe that I want to pen down, but when I'm in here, right now, I'm lost for words. Always.
Cried and tears dried, over and again the past few years, I think I had enough. Always dreaming of something nice, something sweet, something spectacular, something that I've always imagine, something... out of the ordinary. But it never happens. Just, when will I get a day of what I call, my own?
People say I'm just too picky, choices are too tough, standards too high. But why I just don't see it. I don't feel that I'm picky, I don't really have a definition of a certain "dream" standards, so, why so? I'm not yearning for love, if not I wouldn't have been single so far. I somehow, just couldn't understand myself at times. Perhaps, I just wanted something I can call my own, something I know I will be proud of to be a part of it, and that we have each other, no matter what happens. Someone who loves you and that you love him the same back. Nothing else. Simple.
After so many years, after telling myself repeatedly for so long, that I have to give up, trying to give up, nothing seems to be helping. Things seems to be stagnant, so so stagnant that I'm really starting to worry, to be very afraid in fact. What if, it's just going to be like that forever? What am I to do.
3 more days to the decision yet again. It won't be that easy afterall, slowly but surely I know, probably I just might, because like what they say, maybe he's not worth it at all.
Am I holding on to something empty all along?
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